I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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