Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
