so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize