She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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