wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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