What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
