with your own penis?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
