Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
