I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
barbara walters just said penis...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
