you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
