Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize