so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
