His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Randomize
