somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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