Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
