Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
