Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are we still banned from the library?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
