it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
