I am puke
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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