I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize