stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
