apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Fuck appropriateness.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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