So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize