So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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