Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
