What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize