So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
