you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
