...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
