do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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