somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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