the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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