nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
