90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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