I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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