The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize