1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
