i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
