My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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