It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
