I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
