this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I will be naked everywhere
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
