the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
