My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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