Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
