and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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