Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
