So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There r osticjed everywhere
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
