he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
