mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They took my balls.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
