I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
