just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
