I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize