Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
