you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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