I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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