omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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