hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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