the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think your dad took our porno
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
