dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
