he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Panties = found
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
