I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
