I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
