she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
