..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
