I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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