my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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