The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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