she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
is that a dick in a sweater?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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