I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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