I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
