Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize