the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
