he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
