I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
