Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
