Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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