Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
