i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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