good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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