Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
