A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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