i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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